Mad Men

Dear Kiprusoff,

At the Olympics I noticed your countrymen gave you snuggles after the game just like the Flames do.  I think the guys from the Flames give way better snuggles than your Olympic teammates, though.  Scandinavian people are often characterized as being aloof and conservative with their emotions (I learned this from Mad Men).  Just something to think about.

Thief

Dear Kiprusoff,

Will the people of Finland, yourself included, take part in a public shaming of the Finnish lineman that pocketed the gold medal puck.  As a Swede I would expect that kind of behavior from a Norwegian, but not a Finn.  Well, maybe Olli Jokinen, but only when he was sporting the mustache.  Which is strange, because he actually looks like he could be my illegitimate half-brother.  My dad swears that he has never been to Finland,  but I'm thinking Olli and I might be, in the very least, distantly related.

     Olli: pictured on the left;  Our father (in the 80's)?: pictured on right.

incontinence

Dear Kiprusoff-

When your namesake, Kipper, gets nervous he sometimes gets fecal incontinence.  For whatever reason it makes him feel better and after relieving himself upwards of six times he generally is more relaxed and performs better.  Now I'm not making any suggestions, I'm just saying if it works for a horse than maybe it will work for a man too.

Acknowledgments

Dear Kiprusoff,

when I submit a paper I like to covertly mention my horse in the acknowledgments section.  I usually say something along the lines of "and special thank to D.B.R. for his contributions in the field."  I wrote most of my dissertation on the couch with a Flames game blaring in the background, so today I submitted a manuscript with the intentions of thanking D.B.R. and  M. Kiprusoff for their help with my research.  Unfortunately, a certain person sitting across the room from me suggested I shorten it to M.K. My esteemed collegue said something about it being more professional, but I think it's because you guys share the same initials.  For whatever reason the scientific community doesn't like it when we thank our pets or favorite sports figures, so in the off chance you begin reading scientific literature related to avian immunology, just know that M.K. is for you.