Sometimes when you lift your helmet up it reminds of cultures that partake in cranial binding. It probably doesn't help that you decorate your helmet with skulls.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Hockey and Anthropology
Dear Kiprusoff,
Sometimes when you lift your helmet up it reminds of cultures that partake in cranial binding. It probably doesn't help that you decorate your helmet with skulls.
Sometimes when you lift your helmet up it reminds of cultures that partake in cranial binding. It probably doesn't help that you decorate your helmet with skulls.
Family Tree
Dear Kiprusoff,
The other day I watched Jussi Jokinen play against Montreal. I gotta say after getting a good look at him, it only furthers my assumption that Olli is my illegitimate brother. I'm not judging, though. Technically I was born illegitimate as well and that was before it was fashionable. It's all in the eyes and maybe the mustache. Eyebrows, or lack there of, must be on the mother's side. I guess that makes my dad the milkman.
The other day I watched Jussi Jokinen play against Montreal. I gotta say after getting a good look at him, it only furthers my assumption that Olli is my illegitimate brother. I'm not judging, though. Technically I was born illegitimate as well and that was before it was fashionable. It's all in the eyes and maybe the mustache. Eyebrows, or lack there of, must be on the mother's side. I guess that makes my dad the milkman.Drop Zone
Dear Kiprusoff,
Tonight I am watching the movie "Drop Zone" with Weslie Snipes. It was made before Gary Busey developed, what appears to be, a very serious case of strabismus (I don't know how the man can see). I think it may be the best ensemble cast ever. It even has the guy from "Parker Lewis Can't Lose." Unfortunately, Parker's parachute doesn't open and, thus, a paradox is born.
I think is would be awesome is Weslie Snipes played the character Blade in all of his movies, past and present. Imagine how great it would have been if he played Blade in "To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar," "White Men Can't Jump" or "Jungle Fever."
I think Blade would make an awesome Hockey player. He has focus and priorities. He also works for the greater good and not a paycheck (Blade, not Weslie Snipes). Furthermore, he can articulate the phrase Mother F$#@er so clearly that network TV would have to mute and blur out his mouth during the entirety of the game. He would make Brian McGrattan seem tame in comparison.
I miss McGrattan. I wish they would let him play more. I bet McGrattan gives really nice hugs. He seems like he might be a spooner too. In my experience, tall men like to be little spoon. I wonder if he secretly writes sensitive poetry? Everyone needs an outlet, I guess.
Tonight I am watching the movie "Drop Zone" with Weslie Snipes. It was made before Gary Busey developed, what appears to be, a very serious case of strabismus (I don't know how the man can see). I think it may be the best ensemble cast ever. It even has the guy from "Parker Lewis Can't Lose." Unfortunately, Parker's parachute doesn't open and, thus, a paradox is born.
I think is would be awesome is Weslie Snipes played the character Blade in all of his movies, past and present. Imagine how great it would have been if he played Blade in "To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar," "White Men Can't Jump" or "Jungle Fever."
I think Blade would make an awesome Hockey player. He has focus and priorities. He also works for the greater good and not a paycheck (Blade, not Weslie Snipes). Furthermore, he can articulate the phrase Mother F$#@er so clearly that network TV would have to mute and blur out his mouth during the entirety of the game. He would make Brian McGrattan seem tame in comparison.
I miss McGrattan. I wish they would let him play more. I bet McGrattan gives really nice hugs. He seems like he might be a spooner too. In my experience, tall men like to be little spoon. I wonder if he secretly writes sensitive poetry? Everyone needs an outlet, I guess.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Feminine hygiene
Dear Kiprusoff,
Sometimes when people have a bad day/game/season they take it out on the people around them. That's why team sports are so difficult. There's too much negativity being needlessly disbursed to all members of the collective whole. Now, I am the first to admit that I am not cut out to be a team player. You see, when I am in a dour mood I like to focus my hostility on a single object or entity. For instance, I have, of late, been focusing on the epic douchebag that is Dion Phaneuf.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Cookies for comfort
When I started working with your namesake, Kipper, my older horse got jealous and acted out. He especially didn't like it when I would take Kipper out to exercise first. I remedied this by giving him handfuls of cookies on the days I worked with Kip, which essentially amounts to bribery. Do the Flames give you anything special on the nights they play Toskala?
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